Craigslist Editor For Hire II

Not so long ago, I said I would edit Craigslist posts for a nominal fee. I had no takers. And this is the result. Once again, I present what COULD BE if these horny hunks would just drop me a line first.

BEFORE:
Looking for a woman that can handel my big dick. – m4w – 23 (South Michigan )

Hi, I’m 23, 6′ 4″, 44″ shoulders, 32″ waist. I have a slim runners build, and very hansom. Now down to business, I’m 8 1/2″ long and 6″ circumference. I have pictures to prove it.

I guess I’m hear for a couple reasons. One I’ve never been with a woman that could hand me. If you could ride me like a champ I would be indebted to you for life. And second I’m an introvert and have been way to busy working lately to meet new people.

All women welcome, all ages (+19), all sizes, as long as you have a pretty face. And no dudes, I’m not gay and you wont turn me.

AFTER:
Looking for a woman that can handle my impossibly dimensioned penis — m4w — 23 (S. Michigan)

Hi. I’m 23 years old, 6’4. My shoulders are 44 inches across and I have a 32-inch waist. I have a slim, runners’ build, and I’m very handsome. Now: Down to business. My penis is 8.5 inches long with a circumference of 6 inches. I have photographs to prove it. For instance, this photograph of a safe that is roughly the same dimensions. (Note: I said ROUGHLY.)

I guess I’m here for a couple of reasons. One: I’ve never been a woman that could handle my gigantic dick. If you could ride me like a champ, I would be indebted to you for the rest of my life. Two: I’m an introvert. Despite have an anatomically infeasible penis, I’m incapable of talking to women. I’m also really busy (I have a job), and haven’t been able to meet new people.

All women of all sizes are welcome, age 19 and up. Please have a pretty face. Also, please do not be a man. I am not gay, and you will not voodoo me into it. Remember. I have the same size penis as a relatively small safe.

BEFORE:
R u good with your hand or toung – m4w – 37 (Grand Rapids)

Hi Ladies if you are looking for a job here is the 2 job opening. You qualification is to be clean, should take shower , brush teeth, dress well.
Job #1 If you are good with hands you can give me hand job
Job # 2 If you are good with your toung you can give me blow job

Look forward to hear from you. I promise you won’t be disoppointed

AFTER:
Are you skilled with your hands or tongue? — m4w– 37

Hello, ladies. If you are looking for a job, here’s the job opening. Actually, it’s not a job. I’m not going to pay you, but I’m making a play on words.
I’m hire for two open positions.
Job 1: If you are skilled with your hands, you can give me a hand job. <– see what I did there.
Job 2: If you are skilled with your tongue, you can give me a blow job. <– see what I did there.

Qualifications: The ideal candidate should first brush their teeth, then shower, and then get dressed in nice clothes. … that’s it.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you. I promise you you won’t be disappointed.

BEFORE:
Do you want to be filled with potent sperm…. – m4w – 31 (Alpine)

I am a VERY heavy cummer, I am not fixed and spray the thickest heaviest cum you can imagine. I absolutely love shooting my load deep inside a wet pussy.

If you are craving to be sprayed deep inside of you with hot thick happy sperm, send your pic, with “fill me”…

AFTER:
Do you want to be filled with potent sperm? — m4w–

I am a very heavy cumber. I am not fixed, and I spray the thicket, heaviest semen you can imagine. I absolutely love shooting my load deep inside a wet pussy.

If you are craving to be seriously, utterly power washed with hot, thick, exuberant viable semen, please send me your photo with the subject “Fill Me.” I will get you pregnant. I will get you pregnant twice. I will get your baby pregnant while you’re still pregnant with it. I also might be an animal, I’m not even sure.

BEFORE:
DOCTOR LOOKING FOR CASUAL FRIENDSHIP – m4w – 35 (grand rapids)

young doctor with pics looking for a casual, easy going friendship with a female who seeks the same. please be real and put “casual” in subject line.

AFTER:
Doctor Looking for Casual “Friendship.” — m4w– 35

I’m a doctor.

BEFORE:
Fastrated Mother’s Need Sex – m4w (Grand Rapids)

Is there any fastrated mothers with kids that just needs a break or a quickie that don’t have time for sex or don’t get sex the way she likes it at home? I can meet you some place. you get out of you van open the back door I come up behind you kiss you on your neck & I push you in ripp your cloths off bend you over & pond you good till we both cum. Sex on the go In holland or g.r. Area morning or in the day time works for me I now there’s some slutty mothers out there. Can do roll play to if wanted for instance you do your runing around you stop to get grocer at the store you load them in your car I come up bend you kiss you on your neck grope you & tell you to get in then I spank you & well not tell what hoppens next that’s the fun part.

AFTER:
Frustrated Mothers Need Sex — m4w–

Dear Mothers with Kids (i.e. All Mothers, by definition):

Are you frustrated because you don’t have time for sex? Or maybe you do, but your man can’t give it to you the way you like it? Well, listen. I can meet you someplace. Any place. Bring your van. Open the door of your vehicle, and I will come up behind you. I’ll kiss you on the neck and push you back into the car I just told you to get out of. I’ll rip your clothes off, bend you over and pound you good until we both climax. It’s a little move I like to call ‘sex on the go.’ You should probably bring a second set of clothes that I will not tear. I’ll do this in Holland, I’ll do this in Grand Rapids. Fuck, girl, I’ll do this in Ganges. We can do it in the morning, or the day time. Now, I know there are some promiscuous mothers out there, and to make it extra enticing, we can even role play.
Imagine this: You’re driving that van to the grocery store. It’s a busy day, and you’ve already gone to the post office and the bank, and you know you’ve got to get dinner on the table by five. You’re trying to load your bags, weary with diapers and cereal and probably one of those French baguettes that sticks out the top, when BAM! I’m coming up behind you, kissing you on the neck, groping you and telling you to get in the van. I spank you, and well… you get the idea.

Pretty much my fantasies involve pushing a woman from behind into a van.

BEFORE:
Spring Fling Deep Licking Tung Stud – m4w – 53 (my place on the perch)

Some wish for it … others desire it and all girls like it mmmmmmmmmm

Cocky Tung Stud looking for playmate that enjoys enjoying

Im just south of GR and my perch is ready for your creamy pink gravy

squirt lessons n shaves available … Yes married ladies welcum mmmmm

put “eat me ” in the subject and dont start w/o me mmmmmmmm Dr Tung

Experienced in deep licks , nipple man at heart ( . v . ) Kitty Kitty Kitty

AFTER:
Spring Cunnilingus

Some wish for it, others desire it, that’s the same thing and al girls like it. Mmmmmmmm. I’m a cocky “tongue stud” looking for a placement that enjoys enjoying. I’m just South of Grand Rapids and my perch is ready for your creamy, pink grassy. I will provide lessons in shaving and squirting. Married ladies are welcome.

Put “eat me” in the subject and don’t start without me, which is actually impossible unless you’re very flexible. Mmmmmmmmm. Slingblade.

They call me Dr. Tung, experienced in deep licks, but a nipple man at heart. Meow.